About a year ago, I embarked on a profound journey in the majestic Colorado mountains. A place I used to call home.
Each day, I immersed myself in meditation, connecting with the depths of my soul. It was a time of self-discovery, and so much surfaced within me — repressed emotions, pain, anger, and the weight of suffering from past hurts. I found myself trapped in a cycle of believing I deserved the hardships that came my way, afraid that acknowledging my vulnerability would hinder my ability to help others.
As I began to process these emotions, I realized I had lost my voice and inner strength. It was difficult to share my brokenness, as I believed I had already healed from my past experiences. Yet, night after night, haunting memories resurfaced, and I couldn’t escape their grip.
The tipping point came when I could no longer bear the weight of my unspoken truths. Amidst the enchanting Sedona community, where love and light abound, I noticed a shadow of spiritual bypassing. Braving my vulnerability, I confided in a well-known and respected member of the community about the sexual abuse I had endured there. Surprisingly, he stood up for me, breaking the usual pattern of silence and indifference I had encountered before. However, while the support was comforting, true healing and accountability were still elusive, even a year later. I observed people who continued to support the person responsible, and it became essential for me to establish boundaries with their partner, who sought to defend rather than truly listen to a fellow “sister.” My intuition guided me not to engage in direct communication, knowing that only time could mend what was broken.
In the aftermath, I struggled with feelings of embarrassment and inadequacy. I felt exposed, knowing others were aware of how I had surrendered my power and experienced moments of weakness. I even deleted content that expressed my sensuality, feeling I couldn’t embrace my sexuality while healing from such profound abuse.
Through this arduous journey, I discovered the true power of forgiveness. With the guidance of an amazing trauma coach named Catherine, I delved deep within myself, finding my way back home. Grateful for the angels who have supported me, I’ve learned that my vulnerability doesn’t diminish my strength. Embracing every facet of myself, I realized the importance of trusting my feelings, for they are genuine and valid. Stories may change, perspectives may differ, but what remains constant is the need to release what’s hurting us. Holding onto trauma, sadness, or grief only shapes our identity in ways that no longer serve us. I refuse to let my trauma define me.
In my darkest moments, I discovered a well of gratitude for the deep initiations life throws our way. Though they may not always feel like medicine, they are crucial steps in our growth and evolution. Even within a spiritual community, there’s a tendency to shy away from uncomfortable situations, hindering our true progress. I’ve come to understand that regardless of how close our tribe may be, ultimately, we must stand up for ourselves. We can’t blame others for their silence; instead, we must find our voice and speak our truth.
Dear kindred souls reading this, hear me well: Your journey is an exquisite masterpiece, unfolding with perfect precision. Embrace every fragment of your being — vulnerability, strength, messiness, depression, and joy — for they weave the tapestry of your existence. Trust that every step you take, no matter how tumultuous, aligns with the grand design of the universe, which lovingly conspires in your favor.
With all the love and blessings I can muster,
I love you. Thank you. 🪶 🪶
