Once upon a time, I used to see a man pass by me quite often. I didn’t think much of him, except that I knew a bit too much about his personal life. As time passed, I somehow connected with him on Instagram. One morning, as I gazed at a fire casting its warm glow over the Sedona red rocks from my porch, I thought about who might know about this fire. And then it hit me — that guy I just connected with on Instagram.
He shared details about the fires, but I didn’t think much of him at that point. Days went by, and I decided to take a break from Instagram. Strangely, I sent him my number without much context. He texted me, and within minutes of our conversation, I realized he lived three hours away. I blurted out, “Will you be my pen pal?” He responded with a “promise? I love letters.”
Weeks passed, and I was excited to have a pen pal. Then one day, out of the blue, he texted me, saying, “I don’t know why or how, but I feel like you already have a big part of my heart.” I smiled and went outside to contemplate under the starry night, a mix of astonishment and joy in my heart.
More weeks went by, and he called me, asking if I wanted to meet for coffee in Flagstaff. I hesitated and said no, wanting to maintain the mystery of our letter exchanges. But during the call, he mentioned that he was celibate, and my curiosity got the better of me. I agreed to meet him.
When I met him, my friend accompanied me and observed from a distance. At first, I didn’t think much of him, but when I saw his muscles as he ran his hands through his hair, I began to feel differently.
Our in-person conversations didn’t flow as smoothly as our written exchanges, but I mustered up the courage to say, “You’re one of those people who become more beautiful over time.”
After our coffee date, we explored a farmers market and a bookstore. Inside the bookstore, I confessed, “I’ve masturbated about you.” He seemed taken aback, and as we walked outside he said quietly to me. “ I’ve thought about it.”
That evening, we embarked on a night hike, and my guard began to lower. We waded in a creek, and I shared my life story, which left him silent. I thought I had scared him, but in reality, he was in awe of my resilience and strength.
Fast forward to the next morning, as we sipped coffee, he revealed that he was moving to Virginia. I accepted this news, thinking we could continue being pen pals from a greater distance.
He drove back home, and I couldn’t quite pinpoint my feelings for him. I needed time to process.
He called me the following day, sounding like a different person. Something had changed in him. His walls had crumbled, and I saw him in his truest form.
Our letters gradually transformed into 3–4 hour phone calls each day. I would wake up at 4:44 a.m. before he headed into the fires.
We started spending weekends together, and our emotions intensified. Our connection deepened. With him, I felt seen, cherished, and supported in a way I never believed possible.
The moment I knew that our connection was more than just letters and phone calls was when I asked about his tattoos. He mentioned having one — a feather. I waited for him to reveal it, and when I saw it, I knew it was the sign I wasn’t consciously aware that I’ve been seeking. It felt like a reward from the universe for coming out of my dark night of the soul.
A friend had once given me a hawk feather, and it had become my morning ritual. When I saw the hawk feather tattooed on his body, I realized its significance. He had dreamt of receiving a hawk feather and inked it onto his skin. The tattoo symbolized purity and much more.
To the man who answered my soul’s prayers, the man I never expected to fall for, and the man who healed my heart in countless ways, I’m eternally grateful for these moments of profound love that course through me, reminding me of my true worth. Being held, seen, supported, and loved by you is a refreshing and beautiful experience.
